By Lauren DeFranco

Here we are in April, and for many of us it is a time of spiritual renewal. We are ready to rebuild our strength and sense of self while breathing in the fresh air, and the scent of intoxicating flowers springing up around us. Yet it is hard to be so utterly gleeful, when we are facing a presidential election in which most of the candidates are, quite frankly, rotten eggs. 

New York liberals have called Rick Santorum the devil, but I imagine Satan to be a highly intelligent sociopath and would likely frown at this comparison. Perhaps Newt Gingrich is a better fit, though he doesn't look much like the face of evil. Then again, we don't really know what that is.  Santorum could be likened to the Easter Bunny, who hippity-hopped out of nowhere, many of us scratching our heads, "Does he really exist? Or is he just a figment of our imagination?" Even Santorum's fellow Republicans have stopped believing in him. 

Upper East Side Democrats cheered and drank their Manischewitz, when Rick Perry had his big "oops moment", threatening to shut down three agencies of government: Commerce, Education and uh..uh....ugh. At least Americans know better than to vote for a candidate who can't remember the very thing he's about to remove. That is just sacrilege.

Much of the aforementioned has contributed to the resurrection of Mitt Romney, who has emerged as Jesus Christ Superstar in the race to the finish. His good looks and olive complexion have helped turn him into the modern day Moses of the GOP. But can a businessman like Romney really part the Red Sea and lead us out of the financial crisis?  Remember, this is the same guy who bought a factory and fired hundreds of blue collar workers. That doesn't sound like a leader who would shepherd the slaves from oppression.

It will be interesting to see whether the final two candidates have any major skeletons hiding in their closets. Let's face it, here in the great big city of New York, there's nary a scandal that can rock our world when it comes to politics. Infidelity? Who cares! Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani paraded his mistress around town, while his wife was holding court with the press. That didn't stop him from winning public approval in the end. Since then, we've seen a parade of hypocritical evil doers. Eliot Spitzer, Anthony Weiner, Charlie Rangel and Hiram Monserrate, to name a few. But somehow, they have all been redeemed in some way. The media crucifies, New Yorkers forgive. That's how it goes.

That brings us to Barack Obama, who could be regarded as the great and righteous prophet, Elijah. It seems a fete accompli, that come election time our current president will challenge all of the false gods, and be lifted up into the heavens. Is this wishful thinking? Let's just raise our glasses, butter our matzah and continue to keep a seat open at our table. The Empire Way.